Category Archives: investement

New View…..

When I was recently having surgery to insert intraocular lens into my eyes I was worried about my eyesight. Would I see things differently afterwards- would I see colours as I remembered them- would this surgery restore my sight to what the experts promised it would be? These questions were the biggest things on my horizon when I embarked on a journey that was frightening and uncertain. My distance vision has been impaired since I was about 15 years of age and so I’ve worn glasses all my adult life. This has never bothered me at all.

In the past few years however my near vision has deteriorated rapidly, and as I was not suitable for varifocal lens more radical steps were required. I have since had the surgery and have had a revolutionary procedure that has resulted in my distance vision now being better than 20/20 and my near vision being restored. I can now see the world in a sharper and clearer way.

I still had the bandages on one eye when my mother got the news this week that her cancer is terminal. Her breast cancer has spread to her lungs and as she is a frail 82 years of age, her surgeon sees no point in putting her through the trauma of the originally proposed mastectomy. She will be treated with oral chemotherapy to try to contain the disease to her lung and breast in the hope that it will not travel further.

Bravely- she asked the question about how long she had to live- and unhesitatingly her Oncologist answered. Two years.

Facing an uncertain future is something we all live with but we push it away and pretend that we have years ahead…. My mam is now faced with a finite date on her life and is determined to be as strong and upbeat for as long as she can be. She is wilful and stubborn and I realise that she will do it her way and not mine or my sibling’s way because she is an independent strong woman and despite a million and one rows that we have had over the years, I wouldn’t have her any other way.

Thinking about my own eyesight fears seem so petty and small compared to the struggle that my mam is going through and I wish that my new eyes didn’t register the worry and uncertainty that I saw on her face today. I wish I didn’t see the tiredness and I wish I didn’t see the effort that she was making to chat and remain upbeat.

I collected her and her sister to bring them to lunch and I kept an eye on her through the drivers mirror as I drove along. She was in the back seat of the car chatting with her sister when she leaned through the seats and said “I never realised how beautiful your cheekbones are- I never noticed them before because you wore glasses”.

Compliments from my mam are rare and treasured. Today we both saw each other differently and I wonder how that view will change in the coming weeks and months ahead.

Destiny is a path that changes all the time….

The circle of life.

I have recently embarked on a new adventure and although the ride is bumpy, I am loving each and every corner that I turn. I am currently taking a Post Graduate H Dip in Adult Education & Community Development and part of my own learning is getting ‘out there’ to get the experience of working with other new learners in a teaching environment that I am supported in.

I have been so lucky to be included as a facilitator/lecturer on a programme that is being delivered at a local level to new learners who are taking their first steps in Adult Education. This programme is accredited learning from the National University of Ireland on the National Framework of Education and carries weight and distinction.

Meeting the new learners on my first night was nerve racking and throughout that day as I prepared for my new class I wondered if I was cut out for the job. Would I appear stupid, would I get things wrong? Would they all see through me and realise that I hadn’t a clue and demand another person in my place? These were the fears that I had as I drove to the venue where the classes were being held.

Meeting these lovely people who were all there for different reasons was a wonderful experience. They had decided to ‘sign up’ to make a difference to their own lives and to the lives of their families and communities. During break time I met several who told me personal stories about themselves and what had prompted them to embark on this new Adult Education programme. Each and every person had a story about adversity, inequality, bias, marginalisation- and some more extreme. Like the new immigrant who was finding the cultural shift between their own country and this new Irish one so difficult to embrace and to feel a part of, and the person who was campaigning vigorously to establish addiction services in his local area to eliminate having to travel miles to a needle exchange.

Delivering material and being a part of the group during that first class was one of the best moments of my life. I looked at the eager faces sitting on chairs around that room and realised that only a very short time ago it was me in one of those chairs with that hungry look on my face. It was me who raised my hand up with questions about things that I didn’t understand. It was me who gazed in awe at the lecturer and wondered how he ever learned all that he knew. It was me who joined in group discussions and was vocal about the subject that we were tackling that particular night. It was me- It was me!

Speaking with one of the lovely new learners at the end of the night, she told me that she wants to go further in education and that this course is her stepping stone to her future. She is sure footed and knows the steps that she has to take and is determined to succeed. I was humbled to hear her speak about how tough life has been for her, yet her sparkle and intelligence shone through her words and I believed her sincerity in wanting to make a difference to her own life and to those that she loves. Telling her that I was in her chair not long ago and that I too had started my return to learning in a similar fashion broke down any barriers that may have existed between us, and she reiterated her belief that this experience was going to be life changing for her.

“The circle of life” is a cliché that fits in so many ways to my thinking, and it was reinforced for me that night as I realised that the very first steps I took on my own personal path in Adult Education are being repeated by the people in my group of new learners. They in turn will go on and continue to bring education back to the people who constantly seek ways of wanting to make this world a better place to live in.

Education is a powerful thing and I am so glad to be able to share my own learning and experience with this new group as I have no ownership of the knowledge and material that I have received throughout my own educational journey. It has been a life changing experience for me and passing it on is the greatest gift that anyone can bestow on another.

Destiny is often shaped by others when we least expect it.

Investment….

Investment is a word that we associate with money as it is mostly used in popular cultural language as a means of explaining the accumulation of wealth. The definition of the word has many meanings: Assets- Speculation- Venture -Outlay-Stock- Share- Security- words that we have come to be associated primarily with hard cash.

Breaking down the language and taking the implicit meaning out of the word “investment” and really examining what is literally meant by ‘Outlay’- ‘Share’ and ‘Security’ paints a different picture to the one created by financial wizards and money experts.

I understand the word ‘Investment’ to mean many things, but my primary use of this word is in a different context to its more popular appearance in financial journals, newspapers and media sound bites.

Investing in people is something that I do. Personally I have been lucky to be the recipient of wisdom and knowledge from some very special and wonderful people and I believe in passing it on. This is what I consider to be a relevant and real investment. Speculating on something and hoping for a return is something that is not exclusive to the money markets and like the gambler, sometimes you win and other times you lose. Is life a game?

Knowledge is a wonderful thing and I simply believe that to share it is an investment in the person that you are passing it on to. Trusting that they will in turn share the same knowledge and pass it on is all I ever hope for. This way the investment pays off for me. I have no wish to keep for myself the vast experience and learning’s of others and I am a willing broker who wants everyone to become rich by the same methods that have made me the person that I am.

This primary ‘investment’ in people provides ‘stock’ in a range of skills and learning, and ‘security’ in the belief in ourselves as humans. This can turn lives around in a way that fundamentally changes us as people that is unrelated to money or to the accumulation of wealth. As humans we possess ‘assets’ that are as priceless and as individual as we are and we all have the ability to ‘share’ them with others. I believe that putting the real meaning back into some of the words that have been taken from us by bankers and financial gurus is a good place to start.

Investing in people and continuing to believe in them is something that makes me wealthier than any banker on the planet and the ‘trade’ that is generated by the reciprocal sharing of knowledge is something that to me is richer than gold.

Destiny does not happen in a vacuum, but is shaped by our individual lived experiences.

Living life facing death…

Mam, me and Bernie my mother in law. 2010

Mortality or death is something that surrounds us every day. We are faced by the brutality and sadness of it in every news bulletin and newspaper that we read, and although it is a part of our daily lives, it is usually about someone that we don’t know. Someone distant who we might think about fleetingly but are not connected to. We may feel momentarily sad for their circumstances and for the people who might mourn their loss, but really their deaths don’t touch us, as it is about someone else- someone unknown to us.

Facing death with someone you love is altogether different.

Ultimately we all know that we will die, but while we are young we manage to put that notion of death on the long finger. The Grim Reaper is not for us! Most of us imagine that we will grow old and die a peaceful death (if and ever we have a moment in our busy lives to even contemplate it).

The reality of living with mortality is heavy and dark, and I believe that we never really consider it until we are faced with losing someone we love or have actually lost.

Coming to terms with a life threatening terminal illness is an indicator of how powerless we really are as humans in the face of disease. We may have the will to live, but “fate “can decide otherwise.

I am currently facing uncharted territory with two special wonderful much loved women, my mother and my mother in law. My mother is 82 and has terminal breast cancer, and my mother in law who is 93, is in the early stages of Alzheimer’s .

Watching these two wonderful women cope with their disease’s while hoping for a positive outcome humbles me as I realise that they do not want to die. They struggle every day to hang onto life despite their pain and suffering.

They are on their own particular course and I am on mine. They will ultimately die, and in time they will be gone. I will have to cope and get on with living although my heart and life will be bereft without them.

This is my tough future.

Loosing someone that you love unexpectedly is horrendous as you have no warning –like the sudden death of my darling younger sister Annie, but loosing people that you love dearly day by day, little by little is tougher still.

Having to be emotionally strong and to pretend that somehow death is within our control is exhausting, and providing reassurance knowing what the eventual outcome will be, is heart breaking at this moment in time.

Cliché’s about ‘living life in the moment so that you will not feel regret in the future’ are easily spoken or read. They are harder to live by when time is taken up by the day to day management of hospital appointments, shopping, meal making and other mundane repetitive household chores that have to be completed.

None of these things really matter in the grand scheme of things, and although it keeps a semblance of order in the minutes, in the hours, in the days, in the weeks that go by, it is all meaningless in the context of what lies ahead.

At the funeral, will people remember that the house was clean and that the dusting was done? Will it be noted that the carpets were vacuumed and that the kitchen towels were matched?

I don’t care about this and I am sure that the people who will come to mourn with me in the future do not care either. In the time that is left I want to tell these lovely women to forget about the house work and all of the stupid household tasks that are rendered useless and meaningless in the face of death.

I want them to embrace sunshine as the day dawns, and to smell the sweetness of summer flowers. I want them to rejoice in the simplicity of living and to enjoy if they can, the wonder of a star filled night. I want them to enjoy ice cream dribbling down their fingers as they try to catch the last bit, and to do all the things that are possible in the time that they have left. These are the things that I think are important, but I realise that what I want may not be a part of their thinking as they struggle towards an unknown future.

Living with their uncertainty has changed my own perspective on life, and the clichés about living in the moment have never held more resonance than they do now.

Living life and facing death is not just my destiny, it is universal to us all.